Tuesday, October 09, 2007
The hols are almost ending and it seems to me something's still missing.
Maybe its just that the chances we get to meet are so few now compared to the past.
I dont think i'm the only one who wishes things were the way they were.
I checked out my old blog posts and so much has changed it seemed.
I've changed so much it seems its not even funny.. but i'm starting to get that funny lump in my throat again.
That wierd funny feeling of emptiness so evident in all my posts back then..
Maybe because i read em all. Werent that many anyway..
My parents have changed again i'm sure, they've let go so much more.
From my 7pm curfew to basically " not too late ok? before midnight"
I must have scared them bad when i skipped school and then got busted by that knucklehead.
What a relief that must have been when i got my 14 points.
Got into Nyjc
Chose to get into TP.
Now that i look back on what i did .. there were so many times i was such a lucky bastard
How i could play WoW on the eve of a major exam?
That would defintely scare any parent.
I know i'd freak if my kid did that. But its easy to say that.
My mom's getting a lot of crap in school just to get cash.
Kids nowadays are fucked up beyond compare. Maybe its just that school
But i doubt it. They're brought up on maids, treated like royalty
Taught to yell at maids if they dont get what they want
Problem is they start thinking yelling gets them anything, they have no respect for anything
I dont know what to do about mom. I know i've been rotten in the past
=/ i just cant seem to bring myself to say what i want to say to her.
I dont know what i would do if her rheumatism would act up worse than ever and immobilise her
Worse, i hope she wont get too mad and get affected by those punks in that school.
I swear i'll give them hell to pay if anything happens to her just before her hell is over .
I'll kick up such a ruckus i swear it. I dont care.
As far as dad's concerned i guess he's found it tough to handle me.
Being far more alike than different i guess i know where hes coming from and all that awkwardness
I know you have issues expressing , like myself. But you still show it somehow, i know.
I'm sorry about that stuff i did in sec 4 i was such a twat, but i dont regret it.
That definitely changed myself and you guys. For the better.
You learnt to stop pestering me and bothering me and give me my own space
To let go.
I think the situation now is much better than before. for everyone
For both of you as well, i know that marriage was never as stable as it seemed.
The number of times you got upset with each other i could never know
But what i did made you two get together and think about what to do
I'm sure you wondered if it was your fault.
You both are getting along much better now i know. I can tell.
And i'm glad for that.
I still wonder what you like about Dad.
What a wierd fellow, but you never stop saying how alike we are.
Ha.. i guess maybe we are alike primarily. Wierd fuckers haha.
And for that i will never regret all that i did in sec 4.
But i hope i didnt hurt you guys too bad.
I guess its all here because i'm sorry and i cant bear to say it to you.
I dont know if i'll ever be able to.
I sincerely hope i'll be able to.
Dont leave anytime soon, please, i dont know how i'd cope.
Guess i just cant say it .
All that talk about your rheumatism acting up and you not being able to walk anymore scared me more than anything
So many friends of yours aren't well
Sickness
Breakdowns
Some even dead.
That scares me, please dont go back to public schools anymore.
You cut your finger that night trying to skin that papaya.
You almost died that time you almost snipped the grasscutter wire.
How many more times can you be so lucky?
It scares me more than words.
That time dad went into hospital for that gall stone.
He's already got a weak heart.
He's got rotten genes.
But i'm not going to disclose our medical history here
Please take care of yourselves
Please stop worrying about me
Worry about yourselves first
Just please, i know life has not been easy on you both, but you have to take it easy before you hurt yourselves.
The thought of losing either one of you
Before you've had the chance to enjoy yourselves on the money you spent your whole lives earning.
I couldnt bear to have that
I'm so sorry for what i've done
I'm so sorry if i seem ungrateful , i just dont know or cant bring myself to say it .
I'm so sorry if others seem more filial than myself
But somehow i guess you know...
maybe you do...
perhaps...
on that wildest of chances you know that
i really do appreciate all you've done
and that I love you both very much.
Ah damn it i made myself tear..
Maybe its just that the chances we get to meet are so few now compared to the past.
I dont think i'm the only one who wishes things were the way they were.
I checked out my old blog posts and so much has changed it seemed.
I've changed so much it seems its not even funny.. but i'm starting to get that funny lump in my throat again.
That wierd funny feeling of emptiness so evident in all my posts back then..
Maybe because i read em all. Werent that many anyway..
My parents have changed again i'm sure, they've let go so much more.
From my 7pm curfew to basically " not too late ok? before midnight"
I must have scared them bad when i skipped school and then got busted by that knucklehead.
What a relief that must have been when i got my 14 points.
Got into Nyjc
Chose to get into TP.
Now that i look back on what i did .. there were so many times i was such a lucky bastard
How i could play WoW on the eve of a major exam?
That would defintely scare any parent.
I know i'd freak if my kid did that. But its easy to say that.
My mom's getting a lot of crap in school just to get cash.
Kids nowadays are fucked up beyond compare. Maybe its just that school
But i doubt it. They're brought up on maids, treated like royalty
Taught to yell at maids if they dont get what they want
Problem is they start thinking yelling gets them anything, they have no respect for anything
I dont know what to do about mom. I know i've been rotten in the past
=/ i just cant seem to bring myself to say what i want to say to her.
I dont know what i would do if her rheumatism would act up worse than ever and immobilise her
Worse, i hope she wont get too mad and get affected by those punks in that school.
I swear i'll give them hell to pay if anything happens to her just before her hell is over .
I'll kick up such a ruckus i swear it. I dont care.
As far as dad's concerned i guess he's found it tough to handle me.
Being far more alike than different i guess i know where hes coming from and all that awkwardness
I know you have issues expressing , like myself. But you still show it somehow, i know.
I'm sorry about that stuff i did in sec 4 i was such a twat, but i dont regret it.
That definitely changed myself and you guys. For the better.
You learnt to stop pestering me and bothering me and give me my own space
To let go.
I think the situation now is much better than before. for everyone
For both of you as well, i know that marriage was never as stable as it seemed.
The number of times you got upset with each other i could never know
But what i did made you two get together and think about what to do
I'm sure you wondered if it was your fault.
You both are getting along much better now i know. I can tell.
And i'm glad for that.
I still wonder what you like about Dad.
What a wierd fellow, but you never stop saying how alike we are.
Ha.. i guess maybe we are alike primarily. Wierd fuckers haha.
And for that i will never regret all that i did in sec 4.
But i hope i didnt hurt you guys too bad.
I guess its all here because i'm sorry and i cant bear to say it to you.
I dont know if i'll ever be able to.
I sincerely hope i'll be able to.
Dont leave anytime soon, please, i dont know how i'd cope.
Guess i just cant say it .
All that talk about your rheumatism acting up and you not being able to walk anymore scared me more than anything
So many friends of yours aren't well
Sickness
Breakdowns
Some even dead.
That scares me, please dont go back to public schools anymore.
You cut your finger that night trying to skin that papaya.
You almost died that time you almost snipped the grasscutter wire.
How many more times can you be so lucky?
It scares me more than words.
That time dad went into hospital for that gall stone.
He's already got a weak heart.
He's got rotten genes.
But i'm not going to disclose our medical history here
Please take care of yourselves
Please stop worrying about me
Worry about yourselves first
Just please, i know life has not been easy on you both, but you have to take it easy before you hurt yourselves.
The thought of losing either one of you
Before you've had the chance to enjoy yourselves on the money you spent your whole lives earning.
I couldnt bear to have that
I'm so sorry for what i've done
I'm so sorry if i seem ungrateful , i just dont know or cant bring myself to say it .
I'm so sorry if others seem more filial than myself
But somehow i guess you know...
maybe you do...
perhaps...
on that wildest of chances you know that
i really do appreciate all you've done
and that I love you both very much.
Ah damn it i made myself tear..
