Saturday, August 23, 2008
I realise my posts seemed incoherent even to myself. I guess i don't make that much sense when i really try to be indirect. Too indirect it seems.
I will just label people with initials then.
The group, you guys i don't know what to say. It's been so strange.
I get the feeling i matter and i get the feeling i don't.
Do you guys want to call me out or don't you.
I am constantly not called out or inlucded in pre event plannings.
I always find i turn up and you guys already met eons ago.
It's not that we're lightyears away, i live hella near if anything so what's the deal with that?
I understand if that's the extent of it but if you'd rather my company not be present then why keep roping me in?
Out of courtesy?
fuck that shit i wish you'd been rude earlier.
But i thank you for that sliver of humanity anyway.
That chef club dinner took the cake. I wasn't informed of any plans to meet.
You guys waltz in all met up and i wind up with some funny people i had to pull together.
I sit with the guys from my class for 2 reasons.
It is uncomfortable with you guys. Even after so long, i do not feel comfortable.
I came in with them, it would be rude to leave.
To boot, you send the rejects over to our table. Brilliant. ok fine they sort of tagged along, Bah...
Serious rejects.
( Digressing, YOU INVITED THAT REJECT to the chalet and you talk to him? God damn you woman.. i hate you. Ok melodramatics again but i am seriously PISSED off with you guys, iniviting us JUST to fleece us, don't think i don't realise it. Call me for only one night and lie about your FAMILY being there. You could have tried to cover it up man, but you evidently don't care enough to or you assume i'm retarded. That was the last straw i refuse to join any of your SO CALLED group functions which are a front where we pay so you play.)
But right at the end it seems, you asked if i was leaving with you guys instead of just waltzing off.
I guess i am grateful for that.
But that's all Vn isn't it? It's always Vn who cares.
Nobody else cares, Jl doesn't care J sure as HELL doesn't care and V is just a bitch but she doesn't care either.
None of you care. You're all set in your little group ways so Fine. I'm just there to add on to your group when you feel BORED with each other, to add on to the discussions and to sit and pay.
If i owed anyone anything it's just Vn.
It just hurts that he brought me in and the first knife i saw and probably last knife to fly into my back had his name written on it.
I thought life had taken a slight change for the better, i saw what i wanted to see i guess.
I was what i thought i had to be.
I overacted i think as is customary to me.
Took a gamble and paid the price.
Thanks a lot guys for what you've taught me.
The emotional stress that's been unloaded on me has made me deal with things i don't like.
Lessons learnt on the way also have been good i suppose.
I'm just glad i didn't lose that much money in the process.
Jl good luck with the bets you'll be enslaved forever. It's good that your happy go lucky attitude will keep you going. Your friends however, will stop the moneyflow to you at one point and i wish you all the best at that moment in time.
J, i could sense you were selfish. I could sense you don't care. You were always superficial. It scared me but at the same time i didn't want to see that, i wanted to see the facade. The mask is gone and well, now i've seen what i was enslaving myself to and i don't like what i see. Oh well, you help to prove my point about girls from a certain school with a blue top and grey bottoms that i never had a very good impression of in the first place. In a word, BITCHES.
Albeit different ways of showing it. Ah who am i kidding, you weren't a bitch, i pushed you too far and you got miffed. It's my fault for not being a stronger man. Thanks for the lessons, thanks for the memories and thanks for the pain. It's helped me along. I honestly do wish you all the best, i really do. I covered it before, maybe i never really had real affections and maybe it was a sort of ladder that i could climb up into the group, or so i perceived. How wrong i was.
Anyway, thank you. I know you'll be just fine.
V, thank you for letting me back into the group after what i did that time. You never cared but you never seeked to have me thrown out unlike, someone. Even if i deserved it i don't know if i do now anyway... Though, i guess i did less for you i was so different when i was hinting to you. I wouldnt have dared to do what i did for J recently. Well, thank you anyway, you're a mystery to me like most of the people in the group, i don't have your seals of approval it seems and i don't know if that's a personal problem for me. I think it is because you always prove me wrong. My readouts are you don't wanna talk to me, but you do most of the time prove me wrong. Thank you anyway. You care even if you are just a bitch on the outside, you do care.
Vn, man. You've just been real cool. I don't have very much to say but you've been my way into the group and you've facilitated everything for me. I owe you so much and if you would accept it, which i know you won't, i'd let you welsh on my loan. It's not much and i don't really care about that sum. But you will get it back to me, i know you will. I just wish the final stroke didn't come from your hands, it could have ended so much better. But thank you, i really do want to thank you even though i won't now because of social circles that i cannot cross. Take care man.
Guys thanks for the memories. And i just want to leave you all with one final message that is quintessentially me.
Sigh,
FUCK
YOU
Signed,
Yours Truly,
Best regards,
Sincerely yours,
You know who i am.
Cheers.
I will just label people with initials then.
The group, you guys i don't know what to say. It's been so strange.
I get the feeling i matter and i get the feeling i don't.
Do you guys want to call me out or don't you.
I am constantly not called out or inlucded in pre event plannings.
I always find i turn up and you guys already met eons ago.
It's not that we're lightyears away, i live hella near if anything so what's the deal with that?
I understand if that's the extent of it but if you'd rather my company not be present then why keep roping me in?
Out of courtesy?
fuck that shit i wish you'd been rude earlier.
But i thank you for that sliver of humanity anyway.
That chef club dinner took the cake. I wasn't informed of any plans to meet.
You guys waltz in all met up and i wind up with some funny people i had to pull together.
I sit with the guys from my class for 2 reasons.
It is uncomfortable with you guys. Even after so long, i do not feel comfortable.
I came in with them, it would be rude to leave.
To boot, you send the rejects over to our table. Brilliant. ok fine they sort of tagged along, Bah...
Serious rejects.
( Digressing, YOU INVITED THAT REJECT to the chalet and you talk to him? God damn you woman.. i hate you. Ok melodramatics again but i am seriously PISSED off with you guys, iniviting us JUST to fleece us, don't think i don't realise it. Call me for only one night and lie about your FAMILY being there. You could have tried to cover it up man, but you evidently don't care enough to or you assume i'm retarded. That was the last straw i refuse to join any of your SO CALLED group functions which are a front where we pay so you play.)
But right at the end it seems, you asked if i was leaving with you guys instead of just waltzing off.
I guess i am grateful for that.
But that's all Vn isn't it? It's always Vn who cares.
Nobody else cares, Jl doesn't care J sure as HELL doesn't care and V is just a bitch but she doesn't care either.
None of you care. You're all set in your little group ways so Fine. I'm just there to add on to your group when you feel BORED with each other, to add on to the discussions and to sit and pay.
If i owed anyone anything it's just Vn.
It just hurts that he brought me in and the first knife i saw and probably last knife to fly into my back had his name written on it.
I thought life had taken a slight change for the better, i saw what i wanted to see i guess.
I was what i thought i had to be.
I overacted i think as is customary to me.
Took a gamble and paid the price.
Thanks a lot guys for what you've taught me.
The emotional stress that's been unloaded on me has made me deal with things i don't like.
Lessons learnt on the way also have been good i suppose.
I'm just glad i didn't lose that much money in the process.
Jl good luck with the bets you'll be enslaved forever. It's good that your happy go lucky attitude will keep you going. Your friends however, will stop the moneyflow to you at one point and i wish you all the best at that moment in time.
J, i could sense you were selfish. I could sense you don't care. You were always superficial. It scared me but at the same time i didn't want to see that, i wanted to see the facade. The mask is gone and well, now i've seen what i was enslaving myself to and i don't like what i see. Oh well, you help to prove my point about girls from a certain school with a blue top and grey bottoms that i never had a very good impression of in the first place. In a word, BITCHES.
Albeit different ways of showing it. Ah who am i kidding, you weren't a bitch, i pushed you too far and you got miffed. It's my fault for not being a stronger man. Thanks for the lessons, thanks for the memories and thanks for the pain. It's helped me along. I honestly do wish you all the best, i really do. I covered it before, maybe i never really had real affections and maybe it was a sort of ladder that i could climb up into the group, or so i perceived. How wrong i was.
Anyway, thank you. I know you'll be just fine.
V, thank you for letting me back into the group after what i did that time. You never cared but you never seeked to have me thrown out unlike, someone. Even if i deserved it i don't know if i do now anyway... Though, i guess i did less for you i was so different when i was hinting to you. I wouldnt have dared to do what i did for J recently. Well, thank you anyway, you're a mystery to me like most of the people in the group, i don't have your seals of approval it seems and i don't know if that's a personal problem for me. I think it is because you always prove me wrong. My readouts are you don't wanna talk to me, but you do most of the time prove me wrong. Thank you anyway. You care even if you are just a bitch on the outside, you do care.
Vn, man. You've just been real cool. I don't have very much to say but you've been my way into the group and you've facilitated everything for me. I owe you so much and if you would accept it, which i know you won't, i'd let you welsh on my loan. It's not much and i don't really care about that sum. But you will get it back to me, i know you will. I just wish the final stroke didn't come from your hands, it could have ended so much better. But thank you, i really do want to thank you even though i won't now because of social circles that i cannot cross. Take care man.
Guys thanks for the memories. And i just want to leave you all with one final message that is quintessentially me.
Sigh,
FUCK
YOU
Signed,
Yours Truly,
Best regards,
Sincerely yours,
You know who i am.
Cheers.
