Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Well, life hasn't been shabby of late.
But there's that egging on again.
I thought i left this behind me.
I really thought i did.
Perhaps its just me
Being me.
Being stupid again.
Spoiling it and this time.
There's no turning back.
You're lucky the last one was successfully forgotten.
This time this one won't be so forgiving
Nothing to do with the person.
But it'll just be much more awkward.
Simply because. well. because.
So i think i'm gonna try
Why not, she's occupied my thoughts for long enough.
Much too long.
Albeit, i try to move on but the minute i'm reminded
There i go. Down again
For a few days even.
I doubt this is going to work
Impossible
But stranger things have happened
I've also written about the scourge.
Hope.
The ultimate killer.
Well what i've done so far.
There's probably turning back
I can simply make excuses.
Easily and back out now.
But do i want to ?
There's a hint in the air already.
It's whether the person wants to take it up.
Notice it
Or play dumb.
I don't know.
Maybe i should just try to get closer first
Maybe i should leave it as it is
Maybe i should stop saying maybe and being a pussy.
Maybe i shouldn't be wasting my time here.
Yeah i shouldn't .
Worth a shot man
Worth a shot.
Just one semester to suffer solitute .
What's that compared to what may be.
Even if there's a remote chance. Why not?
Why i'll tell you why.
Fear.
and i don't mean the computer game
Fear of what may happen.
Because of the last shall we say fiasco on my part and
The last idiot who tried something.
Let's just say i never liked the bloke anyway
Much less after what he tried
Dickwad.
seriously.
Anyway he failed for reasons i'll never know
But i sure hope they were because he was a dickwad.
I sure hope thats why he was told to sod off
Because if the reasons were personal and not of his control.
I'm in for a world of mind numbing stress.
Similar to what i went through before.
and i sure as hell don't want that now do i.
So until i make any, more Serious advances.
Let's lie low.
Do stuff we can easily deny.
It doesn't help that people are taking notice.
Even though i've kept this so secret.
Well, somewhat, my actions on my off days would signal something
Bit thick i reckon.
But bit better than a face to face confrontation.
Or is it.
Might be better though.
Save me a bit of agonising.
Should it turn bad.
But anyway.
Like Ares said.
Just keep at it.
Don't stop.
You want it
Go for it.
So i will.
Just that i'll take my time about it.
If i'm in control, i won't get an answer for at least 3/4 of a year.
If i'm not, which is the most likely scenario. I'll either be dancing in the moonlight.
Or i'll be walking in the moonlight. Emo mode.
So till then, this has been an extremely stalkerish emo loser wimpy puppyshit post i apologise if anyone has wasted their time here. It's my log so fuck yourself if you're upset. Hell, i can count the number of tards who come here anyway. One Two. Three. Done.
Good that its such a secret. then i can write shit like this and there's zero chance anyone will ever find it or should word ever reach ears i never want it to.
I wrote something like this about another experience before. But if there's one thing i notice. It's hardly the same everytime, the scenario is different, the way i pulled it off was different. Interesting to analyze when its blown over for a while or so. Well, this has been log probably 4 i reckon. As in scenario, probably be 3 but i'll leave that to categorize that other one that got out of hand and i would consider as my throwing the sand on the fire. For safetylog reasons, i have no idea wtf i just typed, sue me its 3am.
----------------------------------
Screw that shit i'm through right now, why can't service just let me go.
Fuck off menupausalbitch.
I hope you rot and die.
Twofaced scum.
and this time, like i usually do anyway when i say stuff like that. I really mean it.
I hope you die in a fire and i hope that's right next to the firestation.
Scum.
Bottom feeding silt scoffing barnicle raping baboondickshit. I'd even go so far as to spit on your grave. I hate you that much. I have no respect for you.
added on as an afterthought.
Whoever is here
Whatever you wanted to read.
You've got a bit of both of me haven't you.
One side i'm dying
One side i'm proclaming death.
Strange.
How i can have two such different emotions run through me at the same time with such intensity.
Well.
Secreto posto Hai toji-san.
Parto oneo of Undarstahndo me.
fuck i'm bored.
Fuck i have to work .
Fuck
Fuckity
Fuck
fuck
FUCK.
quote cartman, the one salvation in hysteria.
But there's that egging on again.
I thought i left this behind me.
I really thought i did.
Perhaps its just me
Being me.
Being stupid again.
Spoiling it and this time.
There's no turning back.
You're lucky the last one was successfully forgotten.
This time this one won't be so forgiving
Nothing to do with the person.
But it'll just be much more awkward.
Simply because. well. because.
So i think i'm gonna try
Why not, she's occupied my thoughts for long enough.
Much too long.
Albeit, i try to move on but the minute i'm reminded
There i go. Down again
For a few days even.
I doubt this is going to work
Impossible
But stranger things have happened
I've also written about the scourge.
Hope.
The ultimate killer.
Well what i've done so far.
There's probably turning back
I can simply make excuses.
Easily and back out now.
But do i want to ?
There's a hint in the air already.
It's whether the person wants to take it up.
Notice it
Or play dumb.
I don't know.
Maybe i should just try to get closer first
Maybe i should leave it as it is
Maybe i should stop saying maybe and being a pussy.
Maybe i shouldn't be wasting my time here.
Yeah i shouldn't .
Worth a shot man
Worth a shot.
Just one semester to suffer solitute .
What's that compared to what may be.
Even if there's a remote chance. Why not?
Why i'll tell you why.
Fear.
and i don't mean the computer game
Fear of what may happen.
Because of the last shall we say fiasco on my part and
The last idiot who tried something.
Let's just say i never liked the bloke anyway
Much less after what he tried
Dickwad.
seriously.
Anyway he failed for reasons i'll never know
But i sure hope they were because he was a dickwad.
I sure hope thats why he was told to sod off
Because if the reasons were personal and not of his control.
I'm in for a world of mind numbing stress.
Similar to what i went through before.
and i sure as hell don't want that now do i.
So until i make any, more Serious advances.
Let's lie low.
Do stuff we can easily deny.
It doesn't help that people are taking notice.
Even though i've kept this so secret.
Well, somewhat, my actions on my off days would signal something
Bit thick i reckon.
But bit better than a face to face confrontation.
Or is it.
Might be better though.
Save me a bit of agonising.
Should it turn bad.
But anyway.
Like Ares said.
Just keep at it.
Don't stop.
You want it
Go for it.
So i will.
Just that i'll take my time about it.
If i'm in control, i won't get an answer for at least 3/4 of a year.
If i'm not, which is the most likely scenario. I'll either be dancing in the moonlight.
Or i'll be walking in the moonlight. Emo mode.
So till then, this has been an extremely stalkerish emo loser wimpy puppyshit post i apologise if anyone has wasted their time here. It's my log so fuck yourself if you're upset. Hell, i can count the number of tards who come here anyway. One Two. Three. Done.
Good that its such a secret. then i can write shit like this and there's zero chance anyone will ever find it or should word ever reach ears i never want it to.
I wrote something like this about another experience before. But if there's one thing i notice. It's hardly the same everytime, the scenario is different, the way i pulled it off was different. Interesting to analyze when its blown over for a while or so. Well, this has been log probably 4 i reckon. As in scenario, probably be 3 but i'll leave that to categorize that other one that got out of hand and i would consider as my throwing the sand on the fire. For safetylog reasons, i have no idea wtf i just typed, sue me its 3am.
----------------------------------
Screw that shit i'm through right now, why can't service just let me go.
Fuck off menupausalbitch.
I hope you rot and die.
Twofaced scum.
and this time, like i usually do anyway when i say stuff like that. I really mean it.
I hope you die in a fire and i hope that's right next to the firestation.
Scum.
Bottom feeding silt scoffing barnicle raping baboondickshit. I'd even go so far as to spit on your grave. I hate you that much. I have no respect for you.
added on as an afterthought.
Whoever is here
Whatever you wanted to read.
You've got a bit of both of me haven't you.
One side i'm dying
One side i'm proclaming death.
Strange.
How i can have two such different emotions run through me at the same time with such intensity.
Well.
Secreto posto Hai toji-san.
Parto oneo of Undarstahndo me.
fuck i'm bored.
Fuck i have to work .
Fuck
Fuckity
Fuck
fuck
FUCK.
quote cartman, the one salvation in hysteria.
